Find new ways to rest

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“Shutting your brain off can provide some rest in certain situations, but it’s just one of the seven forms of rest that help us to function as humans.

According to physician Saundra Dalton-Smith, M.D., author of Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Renew Your Sanity, humans need physical, mental, social, creative, emotional, spiritual, and sensory rest.

“Most people, when they think about rest, they have a very one-sided approach—they lounge around, don’t do anything, and think that’s what rest is,” Dalton-Smith tells Shine. “We try it, and then when we’re still rest-deprived we think it doesn’t work.” Molly Shea

Read more here about new ways to rest.

How to Reconnect With Your Partner After Having Kids

“It seems to have been the norm for so many couples to say to themselves, ‘Now that the kids are here, we’ll focus on the kids. Our day will come,’” said Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage and family therapist whose TEDx talk about sex-starved marriages has been viewed more than 5 million times. “But here’s the bad news from someone who’s been on the front lines with couples for decades. Unless you treat your relationship, your marriage, like it’s a living thing — which requires nurturing on a regular basis — you won’t have a marriage after the kids leave home.”

Read more from the NY TIMES article about caring for your marriage after kids.

Learn from Opposing Views

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“The problem with an echo chamber is that we miss the opportunity to learn. I’m not suggesting that we abandon our values or opinions. What I’m saying is that opposing views can be surprisingly informative. And they can enrich our own understanding of issues that are important to us.” Roger Deane Duncan

Read more about how Escape the Bubble of only hearing from and leaning from people who agree with you.

The Pain of Affairs

“I recently offered my cheated-upon view of things to my acquaintance, who has returned every night for a week to a hotel because he cannot bear to look at his wife. A couple of years ago I offered the other side to a friend when she was considering having an affair.

Start, I suggested to her, by picturing yourself in the therapist’s office with your betrayed husband after you’ve been found out (and you will be found out). You will hear yourself saying you cheated because your needs weren’t being met. The spark was gone. You were bored in your marriage. Your lover understands you better. One or another version of this excuse will cross your lips like some dark, knee-jerk Hallmark-card sentiment.” Wendy Plump

Read more from this honest article about betrayal.

Connecting with your child

Eye contact can be hard for children! And we often do this only when the chid is in trouble.

Build this skill by asking for eyes in a non-threatening and playful way. You should always try to get eye contact before you correct your child, but you should also ask for eyes in times of peace. Try this parenting challenge to create more connection in your parent-child relationship!

Facing Childhood Trauma

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“Burke Harris has dedicated her career to changing the way society responds to childhood trauma, which research has shown affects brain development and creates lifelong health problems.

"This involves public education, routine screening to enable early detection and early intervention, and cross-sector coordinated care," she said at a hearing on providing care in schools held by the House Committee on Education and Labor in September. "The opportunity ahead of us is about a true intersection of health care and education."

A study on youth trauma, known as Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACES, was a landmark when it was published in 1998 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Kaiser Permanente. The study specified 10 categories of stressful or traumatic childhood events, including abuse, parental incarceration, and divorce or parental separation; its research showed that sustained stress caused biochemical changes in the brain and body and drastically increased the risk of developing mental illness and health problems.

Burke Harris first noticed this connection while treating children at a clinic in San Francisco.

"One thing that tipped me off was the number of kids being sent to me by schools -- principals, teachers and administrators -- with ADHD,” she said, referring to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). “What I found was that many of the kids were experiencing signs of adversity, and there seemed to be a strong association between adversity and the trauma they experienced and school functioning." Patricia Gaines

Read more here about the important need to identify childhood trauma for what it is.

“When we are talking about addressing the root cause, science shows that safe, stable environments are healing for kids,”
— Burke Harris

The Science of Relationships

Contempt, criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

“These are the simple, measurable behaviors that statistically destroy your chances of a successful relationship, and what renowned psychologist John Gottman MA’67, PhD’71 calls the “Four Horsemen.” Gottman should know: he’s spent more than four decades studying couples. When he looks at a marriage and predicts whether it will or won’t end in divorce, he’s right 94 percent of the time. His life’s work remains wildly popular at the consumer level — and with good reason: if half of today’s marriages end in divorce, who wouldn’t grab onto the comfort and promise of an easy, evidence-based antidote?”

Read more here about Dr. Gottman’s revolutionary research.